I was running a little late today (but thankfully made it into town today in time to catch the bus to work), and when I was sitting on the bus at the bottom of the hill, the driver was waiting until he was happy to leave and begin the route (you’d expect him to leave at a timetable-defined time, but we all know they leave when they feel like it). Whilst I was sitting on the bus, looking around at the scenery I’ve seen practically every day I’ve left the house, I saw a woman coming out of her house.

Her front door opens out onto a very small (under 3′) front garden type thing, which leads to the pavement, and then obviously the road is right next to that. She walked down the path towards her car, which was directly opposite her door. Just as she got onto the pavement, she stopped, turned around, walked back and shook the handle violently, to check that she had locked the door. Fair enough, I thought. Better to be safe. So I watched her turn around again and walk back to her car. However, she didn’t make it, and again she walked back to her door, shook the handle violently, understood that the door was locked, and turned around.

Yeah, you guessed it, again she didn’t make it. By this time I just thought she was being weird. Either that or I was suffering really, really bad déjà vu. She walked back to her door again and shook the fucking door handle. I was actually realtively tempted to get off the bus and shout “the door is fucking locked, you daft bitch!”, but alas didn’t due to being so bloody tired. So, once she’d decided that the door was definitely locked, she turned around to her car. I watched her and thought “you can’t do it!”, but she did! She walked back again. I had to look away, feeling really annoyed, actually. However, I found that I couldn’t not watch this perfect display of idiosyncratic imbecility.

She turned around again, and actually made it to the car this time, but I kid you not, she did this another three times (that’s a total of seven times), before she actually managed to get into her car and pull away. I think the driver of the bus must have been watching with a feeling of both complete awe and desperation, because as soon as she pulled away, he started the engine and did so too.

I was so bewildered by that event that I had to close my eyes for a minute. I knew exactly where I was anyway. I literally do know the bus route by road name, with my eyes closed.

I opened my eyes about 5 minutes later and noticed a woman I recognised get on the bus. I don’t know her – I just often see her on my way home. She sat on the seat infront of me and began flicking her hair somewhat profusely. She then proceeded to lean forwards and sit back again, which I do if I’m sitting against my hair and it’s pulling. However, the way she was doing it was quite rhythmical, almost like an anatomical drum beat. Annoyingly I could feel it everytime she sat back again, because buses were designed by some vertically challenged bastard who was bitter about everyone else being taller than him, so he thought he’d punish us by giving us no fucking leg room, and to top it off, her constant posture changing was out of time with the music I was listening to – and there’s really nothing worse than things that have a beat being out of time with eachother.

I was glad to arrive in town and be away with all of the bizarre obsession that was occuring.

On a completely different note, someone at work pointed out a rather amusing definition on the jargon buster page of one of our partner’s websites: