Has it ever occurred to you that cats are entirely incapable of imagining that there is nothing interesting behind a closed door? It’s as if they believe that if a door is closed, somebody is hiding something interesting from them, and from that moment onwards they make it their soul purpose to shout strange, incomprehendable words at the door, until the secrets beyond are revealed.

This usually happens when the person inside the room becomes tired of a cat shouting at a door and opens it, at which point the cat bounds in like a melodramatic gay rabbit on a trampoline, and begins to inspect the room rather thoroughly, occasionally announcing its presence in a very “Yes, I am here.” manner.

I wonder if, in the future, we will have technologies that allow us to translate what animals say into a language we understand. I wonder what a cat says when it is standing outside the magical entrance to the treasures beyond.

“Hey man! Open the door! Dude, open the door, please! I gotta see what’s behind it, maaaan! Whatcha hidin’? Whatcha hidin’ from me, man? Open the dooooor! Duuuuude! Open it, pleaseee! I gotta see! I gotta see what’s behind it! What’s behind the door! Tell me, man! Are you hidin’ somethin’? You got kittie drugs!? Kittie drugs, and you’re hidin’ them from me, ,man!? C’mon! Open. The. Door!”

Perhaps Lost in Translation, from my previous post, can help us.

_ man of hé! It opens the door! The type, the door, satisfied is
opened! I took by, for what_s of vedergli, maaaan! Hidin de Whatcha of
hidin of Whatcha _ _ of me, man? It opens the dooooor! Duuuuude! It
opens it, pleaseee! I took to traverse, the end to see! I took to
traverse, for what_s of vedergli! What_s behind the door! Legend I,
man! , you he are, hidin of somethin _ _ this that you kept them to
drugs from the kittie! Drugs of Kittie and hidin of you_re _ he of me,
man! C_mon! Opened. Carriers! _

I love my cat, but sometimes I do wish he could become ethereal or something. Having a cat that could become temporarily non-corporeal to pass through doors would be pretty awesome.