Now that I’ve started working, I’m expected to ‘contribute to the household’ at home by paying things like rent, my own busfair and money for lunch. I just started working, and got a week’s pay a few weeks ago. I’ll get a month’s wages in a week or two.

I completely understand why I’d be asked to pay rent and the likes, but it just seems to me that the moment you get money, you have to lose it straight away. I mean, yeah, sure, I’m still going to have money left, but the amount I’m losing is still quite a lot.

I’m going to be losing £80/month on rent, £80/month on busfair and £60/month on food (or there abouts). That’s almost 1/3 of my wages, which is quite a lot, if you ask me.

When I attempt to explain this I simply get “you’d be spending more if you were living on your own”. When I hear that I just think “yeah, but if I was living on my own it’d be worth that amount of money.”. Call me inconsiderate but I really don’t think that living at home is worth £220/month to me. I don’t think living here through the daily arguments, dispute and hostility. The lack of conversation, intelligent topics or anything else which doesn’t go on here that should to make it a better place is worth that amount of money. It makes me think that my Mother decided to have me (well actually I don’t think she did) and therefore she should be here to support me until I choose to do so myself.

The only reason I want to stay at home is so that I can save the money I’m working for to be able to afford the things I want; the things that people have never been able to afford to get me becuase our family isn’t the best off. Now that I’m staying at home it almost seems like it isn’t worth it. At the end of the day, I don’t want to stay in this damn country, and it feels kind of shitty to know that I’ve got to work for a month, feel ill because I’m getting up every morning when I’ve never been good at mornings, and then give that much money away to live with one of the people that brought me into this world.

Now, I’m not saying that I don’t want to contribute to the household, because I do believe that I should pull my weight, as such, and I realise that if I were living alone, it’d cost me a lot more. However. if I were living alone, I wouldn’t have to put up with all of the arguments and everything else that’s shit that goes on in this house. My problem isn’t really with the money I’m going to be losing (even though I think it’s a lot), it’s the atmosphere I’m living in whilst I’m losing that money.

Also, it’s not as if I thought I’d be a greedy bastard and keep all the money for myself. It’s just, after 5 years of not being able to get the things I’d like to get, when I finally get the chance to be able to do that, it’s as if someone is taking that away from me. Well, slowing it down, atleast.

I know posessions are only posessions, but they also lead to memories, and thoughts, and feelings. Not all of my money-spending plans are item related, either; I want to travel…