Archive for November, 2008

Serial Numbers

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

At some point during 99% of technical support calls, usually towards the beginning, I will ask for the serial number of the computer.

Now, common sense is something that enables us to answer most questions or find a solution to something, or at least know how to go about finding a solution or an answer. Common sense is the voice in our head that tells us not to pick the knife up by the blade, give the baby the ounce of Cocaine or use a towel to wipe our bottoms. It’s all fairly obvious, really.

“Could I take the serial number of the laptop please?”

Even with that sentence I’m dumbing down reality so that people understand me. Everyone in the office does it. It’s a notebook computer, not a laptop. They’re not designed to be used on your lap, but I’ll be damned if I say “could I take the serial number of your notebook please?” and have to witness some idiot reading the bar code of their A4 notepad to me.

“Serial number? Where’s that? Is it on the back?”

<pedantic>”The serial number is on the underneath of your laptop.”</pedantic>

“Right, let me just turn it over… Okay. Product code? Is that it?”

“No. You’re looking for serial number. It’s on a big silver sticker”

“Oh, here we go. Model number… P-S-A…”

“No. That’s the model number, I need the serial number, which is directly underneath.”

“I can’t see i- Oh! Here we go; serial number!”

You wouldn’t believe the amount of people who ask “do you want the model number?” when I ask for the serial number.

“If I wanted the model number I would have asked for the model number! Stop doubting me! Take your incapable face and go play with a 4-piece puzzle, you idiot!”

Posted in Rants | 4 Comments »

WordPress 2.7

Monday, November 24th, 2008

Whilst continuing to use the default WordPress theme until I can find or create something I like, I have upgraded to the beta of WordPress 2.7. Not a lot is different from your point of view. The new dashboard is very different, and takes a little bit of learning, but once you are used to it it’s really nice to use.

Threaded comments and Gravatars have been enabled, which means you can reply directly to a comment by clicking “reply” underneath a comment, and if you have signed up for a Gravatar, then your Gravatar will appear providing you use the same e-mail address.

On a work-related note, it’s amazing how many people say “I wonder if you can” when you say “how can I help?”. It’s not just the occasional person who says it; I honestly get 10 or more people in a row, some days, who all say it. I think that’s a bit odd. Still, it’s not as amusing as having to tell employees at [shop] how to do their job, which I have to do very regularly.

Posted in Blog | No Comments »

A Christmas List

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

Christmas lists are something of a treasure when you’re a child. You scratch your brain for hours, trying to remember the various commercials you’ve seen in the past 6 months, all of which spew the word “Christmas”. You write each thing you’d like down, usually in some kind of order (generally want most to want least), and hope for the best.

Obviously as you get older you grow out of that, and simply tell your family members that you could use a few socks, perhaps a DVD or two, and simply look forward to not having to work and eating an unnecessary amount of nuts whilst watching E.T. for the 24th time. Yet there are still things that you would like to receive, wrapped in pretty bits of paper, that people perhaps wouldn’t think of buying you had you not told them.

So, whilst I won’t be starting with “Dear Santa…” I’m going to list a few things here that I would like to see at Christmas, not because I expect anybody who reads to buy them for me (although I do know that a few of my family members read my blog (hi guys!)), but because they may put ideas in your head.

Perhaps you could leave a comment showing something good that you’ve found as well?

  • USB SIM & Card Reader
    How many people are going to be getting new phones or cameras for Christmas? How many times have you bought a new phone and not been able to get the information off of your SIM card, or broken your phone and lost a load of numbers? It’s true, most cameras come with cables these days, that allow you to simply connect them to a computer without having to remove any cards - but people don’t always carry those cables with them. I don’t have a card reader in my computer, and that is quite behind-the-times of me, so being able to plug anything in would be so very handy.
  • Cyber Clean
    Apparently our keyboards play host to more germs than a public toilet’s seat. When was the last time you washed your hands before typing? I thought so. This nifty wad of goo simply squidges in between the keys of your keyboard and absorbs all of the bacteria, leaving it clean and lemon-scented. Considering I spend the majority of my time at my computer typing, I can’t imagine the kinds of unpleasantries my fingertips pick up.

More to come…

Posted in Blog | 6 Comments »

Hold the Button

Friday, November 21st, 2008

When providing technical support to people with computers, you will have to, on many occasions, have to advise them to switch their computer off and turn it back on whilst holding down a particular key on the keyboard. Now, as far as my opinion on the matter goes, anyone with two fingers that are spaced adequately should be capable of such a ridiculously incomplex procedure. However, you would not believe the amount of people who can’t grasp the idea.

It has reached a point now, that after a few months of dealing with people who are incapable of understanding “hold this and press this”, I have tried to devise the best way of explaining the process. “Press and hold this. With that held, press this”. “Press and hold this, at the same time, press this once”. It’s impossible. I had a guy the other day, bless him, who was holding them both down regardless of what I said. After about twenty minutes of being in the call I actually used my condescending tone of voice and said:

“Sir, please listen to exactly what I am saying. Put your finger on the letter C key on your keyboard. Press it and hold it down, and do not release it until I tell you to. With an entirely different finger, press the on button on your laptop, like you would do normally, to turn the laptop on.”

At that point he managed to comprehend what I was saying and, 20 minutes in, we progressed to step two of the diagnostics.

Now that was just a particularly bad incident, as you can tell; but I get so many people seek confirmation that they are supposed to be holding a button when they have told them to do so. It’s almost as if they think I am lying.

I’m quite surprised by, considering the amount I swear and get irritated by people, how well I am coping with dealing with people who aren’t capable of doing such things. I completely appreciate that they may not have any technical knowledge, especially when they tell me that. Yet holding down a button isn’t a technical procedure, it’s just a limb reflex.

These kind of people must have an awful time with going about day-to-day activities.

“You want me to hold the spoon and move it around in circles? Well what ever will that achieve!?”

Oh joys.

Posted in Rants | 2 Comments »

Changes

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

One would think that working in a technical support call centre would provide you with all kinds of inspiration to form a string a words that insult people from any walk of life. To be honest with you, in thinking that, one would be correct. However, dealing with such people for prolonged durations of time, every day, really sucks any motivation to amuse others with your words.

However; I’m bored of not having anything to say. I’m tired of not ranting on my blog. I’m fed up with not using an excuse to swear a lot on the Internet, so therefore, I’m going to change my ways.

For data protection reasons obviously I can’t divulge huge amounts of information. As far as I’m aware I haven’t mentioned where I work. There will be no mention of product models, names of people or anything like that. Just vague outlines that provide  you with enough information to enable you to build a mental image of the situation at hand.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll actually manage to get a post, regardless of length, online every day. I might lose interest.

One thing that is really bothering me about my writing lately is my vocabulary. I feel it is a huge let down to things I have to say, and I will often find that entire sentences will be removed from paragraphs, simply because I can’t find the word I am looking for. Anyway, that is another post, and perhaps I should just sit around reading the dictionary.

I’ve upgraded to the WordPress 2.7 beta, and it’s getting more and more fantastic. It took a little while to get used to, and there are an abundance of problems with it rendering correctly in Internet Explorer 6 (I can’t install another browser at work), but as always, the developers never fail to impress me with their software.

In closing, consider this a change of ways, and expect to see a lot more content here, at least for a little while.

Posted in Blog | 4 Comments »