I was walking home at about 2am this morning, after quite a heavy night out. Naturally, I bought a horrible burger from the food van on the way home; I’m not entirely sure why. When I had finished it, I threw the napkin on the floor. I was at the state of inebriation where I didn’t really care about doing that, but felt bad for it afterwards – I’m not hugely fond of littering.

Anyway, about 10 seconds after doing this, I turned a corner and saw a bin, which just made all kinds of proverbs pop into my head. See if you can think of any… you know, regarding throwing something away and then finding something more suitable 10 seconds later.

IS YOUR BAND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER THAN MYSPACE?

That is what is going to be written in big letters across the poster that I will eventually get around to designing. I’m going to stick said poster in the windows of places such as Mansons guitar shop, and various other places, and hope that I get some freelance website work in.

I haven’t had much to write about of late, hence the lack of posting.

I’ve always wanted something to instantly send me to sleep, which didn’t have any side effects. Tallis suggested a simple button that sent you to sleep, which I think is a fantastic idea.

When ever I get into bed, my mind races and I think more than I do in the day, into the deepest depths of deepness. I go over memories to the finest detail, re-live situations in my imagination, and changing things so that I can fly or breathe fire or something. I remember lots of things people have said to me, and this often keeps me awake for hours. It would be so nice to just be able to get into bed and zone out, and would make life so much easier at times.

I want to write a book, but I’m having trouble getting pixels on the screen.

Have you ever just been sat, minding your own, drifting through the ether of life, waiting for something to happen, when a flood of self-realisation and understanding just fills your mind, and you are left with the sickening taste of wishful thinking being washed away by prolonged depression? It’s sort of like pouring Tequila on mouldy Cornflakes.

I just got out of bed at 12am, because my body clock is that messed up, and sat staring at words across the screen and saw everything that I haven’t seen before. Or, at least, saw it from an angle I’d rather not have. It made me realise that when practically everything is low in your life, you begin to lose touch with the things around you that should influence your mood. You begin to stop showing the smiles you would normally show for the things that, perhaps in all fairness, don’t deserve a smile, but because you’re in a good mood, you smile at them anyway, and there is a universal acceptance of people smiling unnecessarily, but nicely, in a very gentle waves brushing the shoreline manner.

I have been unemployed for six months now, something that usually shouldn’t and wouldn’t bother me, simply because I’m not hugely fond of who ever suggested that English people should have to work 40 hours per week to make a decent living. However, being unemployed really puts you at the bottom of the totem pole, and if you have nothing else going on in your life, it really begins to detract from your social life, your mental capabilities, your passion, imagination, and everything else that is beautiful about who you are and the way you think.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I could afford to go out and have a few drinks with my friends, and get happily drunk. I can’t remember the last time we happily sat down together in a circle, thinking about old times and not caring about the things that I care about now, and that is really quite soul-sucking. Perhaps I have gone on too long about this whole depression thing, but honestly, I’m struggling to find a way out of it, and that is affecting those around me, which I don’t like to see.

When I do… eventually… come out of the other side of this, which I will, there’s no doubt about it, I’m certainly going to make the effort to make the effort, because so many seconds pass where people don’t take the advantage of the moment they’re in, and they live to regret it. I just wish that the end of the tunnel, as it were, would quit getting further away, and that the sunlight would once more shine on my face.

It’s very rare that I blog about music or video, which is odd, as I spend a lot of my time listening to music and watching movies and series.

Radiohead’s latest album, In Rainbows, is fantastic. It’s very different to their normal work, but very samey at the same time. Generally their older stuff varies quite a lot in the mood it portrays, whether it’s depressing or agressive. In Rainbows is a very wispy, dreamy album, that plays in the background very nicely. Everything about it is very soft, and it doesn’t really draw a lot of attention to itself; but you can easily sink into it and drown in the full spectrum of beautiful sounds. I have listened to it a few times now, and I have never appreciated it as much as I did, lying on my bed, very warm and completely relaxed.

I believe very strongly that physical punishment should return to schools. I think it would do students so many favours, if they were threatened to be hit by someone with a metal weapon if they stepped out of line. However, things like this make me wish that capital punishment was still in play in this country. People like that should just die: Gun shot, to the face, no blind fold. Get the fuck out.

You read the article and guess what sort of clothes they were wearing.

I finally gave in to my Mother’s constant hassling and made a claim for job seeker’s allowance. I have been quite stubborn, as I haven’t been working since September, and haven’t been contributing much to any of the household finances, but I had my own reasons for not wanting to go down that road. Well, now I’m finally going down that road, and it’s actually quite depressing. It’s a horrible feeling, knowing that you’re pretty much at the bottom of the ladder, when you have a particular career path in mind at such a young age, with not enough experience, not many qualifications, and mental issues when it comes to dealing with monotonous tasks. Hopefully things will look up soon, before I go completely mad.

Also, just as motivation began to return to me, I was given the plague, so I have been doing nothing but wallowing and rediscovering how bored I am with my life, reminiscing over the days in 2006, not because they were particularly good or anything, but simply because when I woke up I had something to do.

Found a few more interesting people by exploring blogrolls, and have left a few comments, so hopefully they will come back and leave some words for me, what ever they might be. Hopefully nice ones. I’ll try to finish off my new template sometime soon. I don’t really have much else to say.

Meh.

Just a quick update. I haven’t heard anything from the agency that took me through to the interview with the SEO company, and that was over a week ago now. They’re actually being completely useless, as I’ve tried to contact the guy who was dealing with it countless times by phone and e-mail, and I left messages, and he hasn’t responded. Even a confirmation stating that I didn’t get the job would be nice. No matter, I have applied for a couple more jobs and I will no doubt be posting about how I get on with those.

As soon as I can afford to purchase the domain name, I am going to be recording videos and putting them on a new website I am going to make called iamtheguitarhero.com. Basically this idea gives me a learning plan that I can schedule myself to for playing the guitar, and the concept is that I work through the Guitar Hero games, playing the songs that are in them on a real guitar. It should be fun.