Darfuria

I was walking home at about 2am this morning, after quite a heavy night out. Naturally, I bought a horrible burger from the food van on the way home; I’m not entirely sure why. When I had finished it, I threw the napkin on the floor. I was at the state of inebriation where I didn’t really care about doing that, but felt bad for it afterwards - I’m not hugely fond of littering.

Anyway, about 10 seconds after doing this, I turned a corner and saw a bin, which just made all kinds of proverbs pop into my head. See if you can think of any… you know, regarding throwing something away and then finding something more suitable 10 seconds later.

IS YOUR BAND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BETTER THAN MYSPACE?

That is what is going to be written in big letters across the poster that I will eventually get around to designing. I’m going to stick said poster in the windows of places such as Mansons guitar shop, and various other places, and hope that I get some freelance website work in.

Have you ever just been sat, minding your own, drifting through the ether of life, waiting for something to happen, when a flood of self-realisation and understanding just fills your mind, and you are left with the sickening taste of wishful thinking being washed away by prolonged depression? It’s sort of like pouring Tequila on mouldy Cornflakes.

I just got out of bed at 12am, because my body clock is that messed up, and sat staring at words across the screen and saw everything that I haven’t seen before. Or, at least, saw it from an angle I’d rather not have. It made me realise that when practically everything is low in your life, you begin to lose touch with the things around you that should influence your mood. You begin to stop showing the smiles you would normally show for the things that, perhaps in all fairness, don’t deserve a smile, but because you’re in a good mood, you smile at them anyway, and there is a universal acceptance of people smiling unnecessarily, but nicely, in a very gentle waves brushing the shoreline manner.

I have been unemployed for six months now, something that usually shouldn’t and wouldn’t bother me, simply because I’m not hugely fond of who ever suggested that English people should have to work 40 hours per week to make a decent living. However, being unemployed really puts you at the bottom of the totem pole, and if you have nothing else going on in your life, it really begins to detract from your social life, your mental capabilities, your passion, imagination, and everything else that is beautiful about who you are and the way you think.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I could afford to go out and have a few drinks with my friends, and get happily drunk. I can’t remember the last time we happily sat down together in a circle, thinking about old times and not caring about the things that I care about now, and that is really quite soul-sucking. Perhaps I have gone on too long about this whole depression thing, but honestly, I’m struggling to find a way out of it, and that is affecting those around me, which I don’t like to see.

When I do… eventually… come out of the other side of this, which I will, there’s no doubt about it, I’m certainly going to make the effort to make the effort, because so many seconds pass where people don’t take the advantage of the moment they’re in, and they live to regret it. I just wish that the end of the tunnel, as it were, would quit getting further away, and that the sunlight would once more shine on my face.