Darfuria

Yet another post relating to online chat… Why? Because people obviously fail to notice the magical characters on their keyboards known as the BRACKETS! Brackets are amazing things. Look, look at what you can do with them: (Hey!). Isn’t that amazing? I thought so.

Brackets are so underused. When talking to someone on MSN Messenger, they’re (in most cases) communicating with you by using that illiterate “shorthand” style of typing, and then you get all of these annoying pictures appearing. What the…? All of these custom emoticons that people can add on MSN Messenger makes the conversation evolve in to a cross between what looks like a paint-by-numbers, and “English & Maths for less fortunate children”.

For instance, someone types “1 hehe” (note that “1 hehe” has nothing to do with any stereotyped person *cough* measuring anything *cough* with a ruler or tape measure. *cough*.) this won’t actually appear as “1 hehe”. You’ll get a stupid coloured in “1″ with a square psychedelic animated background, which doesn’t loop properly due to poor GIF work, and then a yellow face sniggering at you. It would make the effort I have to spend so much less if people made the keyboard shortcuts to these annoying icons two characters longer… By using… BRACKETS!

Example, to have made the “1 hehe” appear as actual images, the person could’ve simply typed “(1)(hehe)”, this way, if they really didn’t quite have the intelligence to communicate using *real* language, they can still pretend they’re looking at a pop-up picture book.

I have seen people with so many of these damn inferior icons that it takes my connection 30-45 seconds to load one sentence, which is consequently filled with all of these animations, which slowly begins to cause my computer to think: “What the hell are you doing to me!?” Prior to loading them the sentence either looks broken, or completely blank.

So, please, in the future, when adding these emoticons to your personal collection, put the keyboard shortcut in brackets, and save my eyes, and my connection a lot of effort and frustration.

So? Are they emoticons? Or stfu-icons

I HATE display names; the ones you get on MSN Messnger (why do people just call it MSN anyway? It’s MSN Messenger - Microsoft *shudder* Networking Messenger, not just Microsoft Networking.). The ones on Yahoo Messenger or AIM aren’t so bad because once you’ve registered, I don’t believe you can change your display name, therefore, your contacts only have to put up with a maximum of one annoying handle. Yahoo were even clever enough to impliment editable contact information so that you can change the names of your contacts to something more recognisable, and less attention seeking or shallow. MSN Messenger, however, lets you edit your display name, and now even a personal message. Awesome! A double-whammie of complete and utter crap! I bow down to the people who wrote Messenger Plus and Trillian (Messenger Plus being an addon you can get for MSN Messenger, and Trillian being an application which connects to the Microsoft Network, along with other instant messaging clients, so that you can have all of your contact lists and conversations managed by one simple program. Messenger Plus includes an option to rename your contacts, eliminating one out of two possible pathetic messages you see everytime they sign on, or evertime you look at your contact list.). I really don’t want to see people’s catachrestic, solecistic display names, or have to give a damn what they’re about. Its annoying enough when they fail to spell even the simplest words correctly, let alone write things like “i dnt rly luv her bt wot shud i say”… I mean… It’s called a display name for a reason, dumbass. It means other people can read it. It’s so annoying when you know a display name or personal message is about you, and the person has typed it assuming that you can’t or wont read it. Hey! Just because I use a program which removes the necessity of me having to read your inferior opinions, and ’status-of-life’, doesn’t mean I can’t read them if I wish to.

Okay, I don’t like stereotyping, but there is no technical way of describing a chav in letters longer than the amount of 4, purely because that’s impossible. Anyway, this is the chav’s keyboard. I plan to sell these soon.

Click here to see it

Hey it is Andy and john the directors of MSN, sorry for the interruption but
msn is closing down. this is because too many inconsiderate people are
taking up all the name (eg making up lots of different accounts for just one
person), we only have 578 names left. If you would like to close your
account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON. If you would like to keep your
account, then SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. This is no
joke, we will be shutting down the servers. Send it on, thanks.

WHO EVER DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSEAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND YOU
WILL COST £10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST.

NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE
WHOLE EMAIL. GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION

This one amused me, to say the least.
Do you really think that a “director” of MSN (Microsoft Networking, in case you wondered) would write in such an unarticulated way? Honestly, this is such a pathetic chain mail. I very much doubt there is an “Andy” and “John” (John has a capital ‘J’ by the way, as it’s a noun.) who are “directors” of Microsoft. MSN wouldn’t close down, they make for too much money, and get far too much popularity from it. Too many people taking up the names? Urm, they’re not called names, they’re called identifcation details. sxcgurl_69 isn’t a name, it’s an aliterate pre-pubescent teen who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Hell, I’m surprised she can actually use the underscore key, after all, its a form of punctuation. 578 names? I very much doubt they could be so specific. That’s like Tesco phoning up their warehous and saying “We only have 4,278 peas left, send more! Urgently!”.

“If you would like to close your account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON…” Why would I do that? I’d like to see Microsoft shut down Gmail. Yes, that’s right, I was clever enough to avoid the 3-keyd prison of DOOM, and registered a real email account with .net passport (which unfortunately is owned by Microsoft), which means I don’t get spammed to the max about crap.

Quite honestly, if this is true, then I think all of you should keep the message, and not forward it to anyone. Why? Because I have 100 Gmail invites left, so a select 100 of you can still talk to me on MSN. I will be sending the invites out to those who get the best scores on the Mensa workout which can be found here.

“WHO EVER DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSEAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND YOU WILL COST £10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST.” Awesome, so now girls have to pay…? So, why exactly would I be paying £10/month for something that I don’t even have anymore? Also, why would Americans be paying $17.7/month (as Microsoft are American) for the same reason?

“NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE WHOLE EMAIL. GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE”
I think they mean: “Go back to your e-mail account index, and click “Compose new mail.”.

To summarise, this email really shows how pathetic most people are. I imagine the main reason most people sent this on was because they actually believe it. I know this because when I first recieved it, I didn’t recieve it in a forwarded email, it was a singular one with no CC, meaning the person had obviously read and followed the so-called rules.

Okie, this time I walked out of my room to go to the bathroom. As usual the landing was dark. Only, this time I failed to see the glowing eyes and white patches. I swear my cat painted itself and closed it’s eyes on purpose. As I walked forwards I heard a somewhat disgruntled and disturbed squeak, followed by a short scamper and some scratching. “Sorry, Barney”. I turned the bathroom light on and the cat looked up at me. It had an outbreak of lip-lickage and as I reached forwards to storke it, it ran down the stairs. Poor cat :( He’s ok now though, crashed out on my bed.